Inkling

This itching in my skin,
This sickening twist in faith,
The hope that sparks itself,
Only to mock its creator,

A rush in heartbeat,
A spike in sadness,
No drug is controlling it,
No one seems capable,

Why do you return to me?
Make me hate, make me ache, make me something so unlike who I thought I was.

A disease in the brain
Eating away my heart
Blackening the light in my eyes
Filling my lungs with bitterness

Don't you understand?
I don't want you anywhere near me!
I don't want this sickness inside me

Have I no say?
Please just go away
This trigger, it's not right
You turn me into something else
I want to appreciate these things
Not loathe what I feel cannot be

Is that what I am reduced to?
The only simplicity is the painful creep of jealousy
Is that so...
Fine then.
If I cannot be what I crave, then I will hate it all.
That's the answer you want.

...please just go away...